Kneading Patience

Have you ever had a long, wearying morning? Joy could probably relate. 

Shopping can wear out even the indefatigable, and my ambitious “do-it-all-in-the-one-day-you-have-a-car-this-week” attitude had tuckered the both of us out on that particular cold Winter day. Big adult problems filled my grown-up head as we drove along home. But dear little Joy? The greatest longing of her heart was to be out of her car seat, and out now! My heart wanted to break as I saw her very sad little face in my rear-view mirror, the car filled trunk to hood with her desperate cries for relief from the awful confines of that terrible car seat. 

“Oh Sweetie,” I heard myself crooning soothingly over and over amidst the din. “It’s gonna be alright Sweet Girl. You’re not gonna be here forever, Joy. Just wait a little longer. We are almost home, we are almost home.”

Suddenly my eyes spilled over in tears, the kind that get you by surprise and take over like the conquest of Troy. Suddenly it wasn’t baby Joy in the car seat anymore, it was her Mommy, and her Daddy-God was the gentle car Driver. He knew the whole journey well, for He had navigated these roads thousands of times before. His heart broke at my whimpering pleas for relief and for a speedy end to confines I didn’t understand. Her whimpering pleas suddenly seemed my own, as I begged God to answer my prayers for several situations, and do it NOW. Moreover, the words changed ownership as they came from my mouth and God started speaking them to me: 

“You’re not going to be here forever, Sweetie. Just wait a little longer. I wish I could get you out, but it’s not the best for you. Oh, I’m so sorry, I know you don’t understand. It is breaking my heart to hear you cry! But Sweet Girl, we’re almost Home. We’re almost Home!”

I imagined my Father, working on my life perhaps as a hunk of bread dough. From His perspective, my Tribulations were kneading some necessary Patience into my dough. 

Patience, mixed with time, was creating a beautiful and valuable Experience. Experience, coming out of the heat of the oven, brought with it the rich aroma of Hope; and my Heavenly Papa knew that the Hope would come with a new abundance of unashamedness and love! (See Romans 5:3-5) From His perspective, the patience wasn’t going to last forever, nor was it going to ruin anything. From His perspective, my weary cries broke His heart, and He longed to take me out! But it wasn’t yet time. For my good.

I think back over the last several years of my life, and the seasons they contain. As I reminisce through the changing periods of sorrow and joy, dying and resurrection, I imagine my Father right there, walking through it all right beside me. During the seasons of tribulation, He was there, guiding my heart into patience. As I emerged slowly from the intensity of the tribulation, He was there gently handing me the gift of a new experience that He had purposefully thought up or allowed. Then came the celebration together of Hope! The season of rejoicing in the goodness of my Father which I had chosen to believe in when I couldn’t see it.

“We’re almost Home, we’re almost Home!” I could almost hear His encouraging whisper in my heart. Ah. From His perspective, my trials are not all that long. In fact, in comparison to an exciting eternity with Him, they are just about to forever end! I’m almost Home! Heaven is just up ahead. It feels like my current trials will last forever, but they will not. They aren’t immortal! There is hope, if I am only willing to surrender my heart to the voice of my Father and trust His perspective above mine.

In the car, familiar surroundings glided past outside the windows. My daughter’s darling blue eyes, however, were tightly closed. Unlike me, she couldn’t see that we were 3/4 of the way down Prince Street, and it would only be three more minutes till her Mama was lifting her from her seat to snuggle and comfort her. Her eyes were squeezed shut, and her mouth was furiously at work with air over vocal chords, heartbreaking as the funeral wails of the heathen. As her mother, my feelings for her helped me realize how badly God was wishing that I could understand just how short my trials really will turn out to be. For from His perspective? They are classified Light, Momentary. Compared, that is, to what’s ahead in eternity with Him!

Today as I quiet my heart, He is assuring me that He knows that the waiting hurts, and He cares about the feeling of His daughter who can’t see beyond the confines of the “car seat”. And yes, like He promised, Experiences of the last years of my life have come to me with the aroma of Hope. I am learning that I’m loved while “strapped in my car seat”. I’m learning to relax and enjoy the ride. 

And to my deep relief and joy, with the passing of time I’m beginning to think my little daughter is learning, too.

A Free Boost

What if I would tell you that there’s something simple that you could do for one week that could boost your mood, your marriage, and your life in general? What if this thing was such a good price that it was free? A FREE way to boost your marriage, mood, and life in general? 

Are you ready? Okay, here we go:

Step one: Think of one person whom you love and love to see encouraged. Get ready to contact them. OK, step two: Tell them that you have an idea but you need a partner to do it with. You want to write down ten things you’re sincerely grateful for every day for one week, and want to share them with someone: with one condition, that they also send back a list of ten to you. Just for one week. That's not too hard is it? 

That's it! Except, of course, doing it. 

I did this "game" with three of my friends so far (one of whom is my best bestie, my treasured Jonathan!) and the result exceeded my expectations! I wanted to do something to be proactive against the blues that like to overwhelm new mommies ,so I did this with several other new moms that I know. Can you guess what happened when the end of the week rolled up? We kept sending these lists. It’s actually addictive! We discovered that the encouragement we got from it came in several different flavors:

1. We needed to stop and look around us and think of things that were a blessing and which we were truly grateful for.
2. Since we did it every day, we needed to be creative, which was a bonus because we were thankful for things we had never thought of being thankful for before!
3. Since we sent them to each other, we had the blessing of getting to share the precious gifts we discovered in each day with someone else, which was doubled the joy!
4. Not only did we enjoy sharing the things we found to be grateful for, we also got to hear things from another woman who we knew was facing similar difficulties as ourselves with thankfulness, which was encouragement on top of encouragement!
5. We started getting addicted to being thankful; even in the month or more since the week was up, we have sent each other lists of thankful-things!
6. These little lists turned into lines of life for bad, awful, miserable, baby-won’t-sleep, overwhelming (you’re getting the picture, right?) days. We turned to them when we felt ourselves going “under” in the ocean of emotion, and used those little lines of gratefulness to hold onto and keep us from drowning.

So here’s my challenge to you: find someone to do this with and ask God to show up in the middle of the lists in special ways. I believe you will find Him giving you personal gifts in the midst of your day-to-day mornings and messes: your living, caring, personal God.

Here's a little tip: If you don’t have time to write things, snap a picture to send that captures your thought. 

Anybody want to be my “partner in thanks” this coming week? 

Come, MAGNIFY the Lord with me! I will magnify Him with thanksgiving.

See Psalms 34:3 and Psalm 69:33. 

Nail Clippers, Dates, and Parking Spots

When this time of year comes around with its twinkling lights, the name "Immanuel" appears more often than usual. Jesus's coming was foretold with the usage of a precious name for Him: "Immanuel; that is, God With Us". For me personally, this is one of my most favorite names for my God. It never ceases to amaze me that the God who created the galaxies and our little life-inhabited globe cared so much for the world that He put Himself into a human body and lived among us!

What is equally awesome is that He is still God With Us, now. This week I have been noticing a lot of little ways that He has shown up in my life, and I wanted to share them with somebody. You might think they're minuscule but they show me that He is present in my life, and that He cares. So if you want to hear my stories...here goes:

Fingernail Clippers

I was ambling through Sharp Shopper, treasure hunting from my shopping list, when I spied with my little eye a plastic bin of: fingernail clippers! Now the reasons for my excitement were threefold: 1) I had mysteriously lost my clippers recently and they happen to be a frequented essential in my bag for dealing with everything from fast-growing fingernails to opening a tough bag of chips! 2) These clippers also had the cuticle/cleaner piece; and 3) They were the kind you could clip onto your key ring. When I got the checkout I discovered moreover that they were being sold for the grand price of $.99 a piece! I took them home and upon trying them out realized that they are really nice. In fact, I must have bragged them up because both my husband and one of my sisters both asked me to get them one the next time I could go to that store!

Well, the days passed and I wasn’t able to get out. It bothered me in the back of my mind since I had told them I would get them some clippers too. “Lord, could you let there be at least two left when I can get to that store again?” I asked my Father. If you've ever been to Sharp Shopper, you know that what you find there one time probably won't be there the next time you come, at least if it's a good deal.

Finally I was able to get out, and went straight for the aisle which housed the little shiny treasures. My heart beat faster as I saw the basket was empty...of all except for TWO fingernail clippers. I worshipped God right there. In this little detail of my life, God was there, and He cared.

Medjool Dates

A few nights ago two of Jonathan’s Middle Eastern friends were coming over for coffee and Book-reading. I was busy caring for Joy (it was getting late at night) so my husband and I discussed what he could serve his friends. We didn’t seem to have a lot of good options in the house at the moment, except for...our special medjool dates. I had splurged and bought them a few weeks ago and we were relishing each nibble together. They were really soft, exceptionally melt-in-your-mouth dates. We both looked at each other. Those dates felt pretty special and hard to give up at that moment. Slowly and decisively Jonathan lifted the container of delicacies up with both hands and said, “Lord we give these dates to you.” So around the Book the men enjoyed their treat with sips of strong black Arabic coffee late at night.

This morning I had some shopping to do, and I decided I would stop at Aldi’s to see if by any chance they still had those dates. Guess what? There they were, and were one of the week’s specials at half the price I remember them being several weeks ago! I was able to get two containers for around the same price I had been planning to get one, and I did it wearing a big smile. My God cares about our little “sacrifice” of something special to us and wanted to remind me that He repays over and above in heaven what we give Him here below - and sometimes He repays on earth too.

Parking Spots 
I don't know if you've ever lived on the second/third story apartment of a house or not. It means that you get a lot of stairs into your daily routine. Not only stairs, but if you live in a row house near downtown without a parking spot to call your own, you may need to be walking a block or more to find your car! This was an inconvenience before having a child, but now with a warm little darling in her carseat to carry (not to mention everything else a trip going out entails) the hike down the stairs is a bigger and trickier workout, and to walk a freezing block away with several loads can be daunting and confusing. What do I take out first, and what do I leave for last? Can I manage to carry everything in one trip, or will I end up partway down the street with stuff falling out of my arms? Will my baby be crying in the house, disturbing the neighbors, while I take out the first load?

So all of that is the background for a simple plea to God to let there be a parking space out in front of our house for me. Not just once...but all Winter, Lord?

So far, He has totally answered my prayer since then, and oh how I treasure every blessed time I pull onto our street and find a parking spot right in front of our row house! Once, as I pulled up to park the person who had parked in front of our house came walking down the street right then, got in his car and drove away! I do believe at that moment my Father in Heaven was smiling at me.

I know the title only had three items, but here's a couple bonus stories where I saw God in the last week:

Dinnertime Discussion

Recently we were privileged to eat dinner with a family who has been through a lot. They know so much suffering and heartache, yet don't seem to be bitter, so Jonathan asked them, "What do you do to stay encouraged as you walk through suffering and trials?" Their response was so beautiful I stayed stuck in the moment, savoring it long after the others had moved the discussion on. "We are convinced of the Sovereignty of God. That's one thing we decided to put our absolute faith in long ago, and when we don't understand what's going on we fall back on that trust." The rock-solid faith that I felt in those words and the tone of voice they were spoken in has stayed with me ever since. I saw God-With-Us there at the table eating our roast and vegetables. Only He could give the grace to hold on to faith like that.

Three Angels
I was having a rough morning about a week ago, so before Jonathan went to work he prayed for me. I got tears in my eyes when he prayed that God would send someone to visit me that day. "That gift would bless me so much," I thought. "It's just what I need." My baby went to sleep, so I did too. I slept, that is, until my phone started ringing. It was my sister Elisabeth, and basically the first thing she said was, "The rest of the family except Jonathan, Michaela and I will be gone or busy this afternoon, so I was wondering if we could come over and visit you! Would that be OK?"

Ahh. What a delight. God, with us. How I enjoyed my afternoon with those three "angels".

Where do you see Immanuel at work in your life this week? I would really love to hear your stories too!

Is He Missing You?

This week I’ve been thinking a lot about pacifiers. Kinda like when you go on a diet and there are foods you’re not allowed to eat, you know? Those banned foods suddenly rise to power and rule the thoughts with an enchanting dictatorship of desiring the Forbidden, which you may have rarely even wanted before!

In my (or should I say, “my child’s”) case this week, the pacifiers have been given a mandatory break from childcare duty at our house. So believe me, I’ve been thinking a lot about pacifiers!

To say the truth, I think it might be even harder on the Mommy and Daddy than the little girl. 

When as charming a human as she is looks at you with big, imploring eyes that stream with crocodile-sized tears while obviously begging for the banned silicone sucker... Oh dear, it’s enough to make any tough cookie crumble!

But I am not writing this page to talk about the whether-or-not-s of pacifier usage for infants, as I am quite unsuited for that task. I can, however, write about what I’ve been learning about myself this week.

I have been seeing myself in my tiny girl.

When she is craving that pacifier, I’ve had to wonder: Where do I go when a craving rises in me to be “pacified”? When I feel that hunger in me for something to soothe my soul, where do I go? Do I instinctively nuzzle towards the Source of all my heart’s satisfaction and the One who truly can meet all my needs, filling my mouth with good things? Or do I guzzle on a "piece of silicone" incessantly, thinking I have all I need when it’s not giving me a thing that lasts? I could be satisfying myself in the richness of my Father!

Several nights ago our Joy-Angel cried like her little heart had broken apart, as we rocked, talked, sang, and choked on the cries that were coming up our throats as well. Oh, how I wanted with all of my big mama-heart to give her that little pacifier and make her happy!! But then a different flavor of tears came to my eyes, as I heard my Heavenly Father whispering, “I get these feelings too”. 

As I tried to be a comfort to the restless infant, I saw myself, God's little one, in her restlessness. I realized in a new way like never before how my Heavenly Papa is watching me lovingly, as I instinctively realize the hungry longing of my soul. What a sad sense of loss he bears, when instead of running to HIM, full of faith that I’m just about to get satisfied, I grope around and choose some sort of empty “pacifier” to take His place! Oh, how He wants to make me feel satisfied and happy! Oh, may I learn to let nothing keep me from choosing HIM!

As I write this post today, my daughter is contentedly nursing in my arms, snuggled warmly up in her favorite fuzzy blanket. The intense longing for her pacifier has vanished in all the sweetness I have to offer. To me, the restful beauty of the two of us is being mentally superimposed over these words:

“[Jehovah] satisfieth thy mouth with good things, so that thy youth is renewed...” - Psa 103:5

How precious to know that He wants to satisfy my mouth with good things...and since He IS the origin of all good things, I can know that He wants to satisfy my mouth with His very own Self!

If your Heavenly Father is removing something you like very much from your life this week for reasons you don’t understand, good news! Be encouraged, because it’s probably a sign He’s missing you. He just wants to be closer to you and spend more time satisfying your heart!

(Note: I know the subject of pacifiers is quite controversial and I’m not trying to say that pacifiers are evil or that I’m sorry I’ve used one. In my experience of late however my daughter started turning to pacifiers at times when in my classification she needed to be turning to me! Thus the thoughts in this post.)