A New Perspective

It was as though the city was hushed by the quieting presence of cold whiteness. Tiny flakes of Winter were sailing through the sky and coming all the way down to touch our cheeks, as we trudged in the fallen heaps of its white glory, just for fun. I giggled, as I saw two large bushes that had turned into mushroom shapes overnight, with gigantic white tops rounding elegantly. They looked like the perfect place for the child-version of me to make a house and spend an afternoon of play.

Thoughts of life as a child led me down a lane of memory to the first snowstorm that I have a lot of memories of. I was just a week into being 5 years old when the skies astounded everyone by dumping 30" of snow on our world in one memorable day. 

This is the snowstorm as it appeared to my little five-year-old self:

I woke up one morning to the troubling fact that we couldn't open our front door. Snow was almost up to the top of the porch! Papa had to go out another way and shovel a pathway through the snow mountain so we could even get out of the house. I felt the excitement my parents exhibited, as they strapped on their skis and went cross-country skiing literally OVER fields and fences both. They missed the snows of Colorado, and this was a day to delight in! Eventually it was my turn to get to take a walk out in the white world. The white brightness of sun-on-snow hurt my eyes, as I clunked in my snow boots over the snowy path my Papa had shoveled out. Eagerness to experience this snowy wonderland filled my little heart. Traces of concern nudged at the eagerness, however, as I realized that my world had just dramatically changed. Nothing looked like it had before.

Wearing my little cozy Winter boots, I tried to keep up with the long steps of my parents. "Hurry!" I thought to myself. Just then a dramatic, terrible thing happened. My left leg sank down, down, down, past the top crust of the snow! Quickly, I jerked my leg upwards, but to my horror, it was bootless! My foot in its wet sock was helplessly dangling midair. In cold surprise, I ascertained that my precious boot was about as far down as I was tall! "Mama! Mama! My boot!" I screamed. I was sure it was gone, and I would need to be carried, which would be embarrassing and NOT fun. I figured I might never see that boot again. 

That's pretty much where the memory ends, although I'm positively sure my mom came to my rescue and pulled my boot out of its cold hole for me. As I trudged along yesterday, purposefully walking in snow over my boots, I wondered how much of my little five-year-old horror at losing a boot would've melted away if I had known the snow wasn't as permanent as it seemed. I think I actually didn't realize that the mountains of snow would eventually melt away! I don't think I comprehended that the white that covered my little world was only temporary and would disappear altogether. Neither did I think about it that my Papa could dig that boot right out for me. I only thought about the crisis in light of my limited capabilities and perspective.

As I purposefully kicked through the snow drifts yesterday I pulled a charming little lesson out of that dusty memory.

Sometimes when in a panic all seems lost, the biggest thing I need to find is a new perspective. 

The snow will disappear.
I can't get the boot, but I know someone who can.
Even if the snow could have claimed my boot, the snow will go when the sun comes out.
It won't hurt my foot to get snow on it.
Someday I won't even need these boots anymore because I will outgrow them.
The air is clean, the sky is bright blue, and the world is gorgeous.
Being carried could be fun...

The Perfect Home

If a word can get ahold of a human heart and flood it with a feeling, that’s the alluring wistfulness the word "home" is having for me.  

More than just enjoying the word, I enjoy having a home. A nest. A place that is a haven, a bit of heaven, a safe, cozy nook where I can relax and rest. I love the feeling I get when I’ve been gone for a long time, and walk again through the door into my home!

Speaking of returning home, recently one of my brothers came back from being in Africa for almost 2 years. What intensity of emotions the whole caboodle of us shared like static electricity between each other as we awaited the anticipated brother’s arrival from the airport. Given the fact that it was after 12a.m. amped it all up several notches! Then there he was. Happy shouts and hugs galore filled the cold night as banners were held high and sparklers lit, flashing and glittering in the darkness. What a spirit of joy abounded, as the beloved son and brother was welcomed home again!

But where is my home? That’s what I wonder when I wander around our apartment these days. In roughly two months the Lord willing we plan to leave the country for several months. When we do, we also plan to leave our apartment that has become “home” to us for close to four years (minus the 9 months we lived out of the country). Is it surprising then that I’m thinking a lot about home?

I’ve done a lot of wondering about what makes a place a home, since I’m surrendering my current home and preparing to transplant in other places. Is it the special, carefully-picked-out things in the house that make it feel like “home”? They certainly do make their contribution, but I’m convinced the nostalgia of “home” goes much deeper than that. Is it the memories made within a building’s four outer walls that finally pile up high enough to give the honorable title of “home” to a house? Memories certainly do have their part in the process. The people who share the home play another big part. When I think of going “home” to my family’s place, it wouldn’t be the same without the family!

I’ve been to Ghana three times and enjoyed watching the interesting progression of when the compound goes from feeling like a strange place in a strange country to “home” for the folks who come on the three months teams. Invariably it’s after they’ve been away from the compound, out experiencing life in the village for a few days. They come back and are intrigued to realize that THIS feels like home. This strange place that they have only been living in for a few weeks suddenly is no longer just some concrete square in the great big world out there; it’s the place to come back to and be relaxed. I love watching that happen.

There’s something about getting in touch with what isn’t home that makes you realize where home is.

I wonder what “home” will be like in the future for me. There’s a chance that the next few years will consist of living in a lot of different places for fleeting segments of time. I have known this prospect was imminent all of our married life as I follow my amazing, visionary man. This is what comes along with the life I always wanted to live!

But I do like home.

I like creating a space that is cozy and beautiful, a haven from the outside world, a nook where we can feel at home. When I think about that pleasure in creating a “homey” place for my family, I feel a sense of wonder. A sense that I’m walking on holy ground. That what I’m doing is like a child who is “playing house” while her mother is doing the real thing.

Jesus is working on preparing a place for me in Heaven! Given my understanding that this place will be mine for ever and ever and ever, my own little corner, that’s oh! So exciting! Gives me goosebumps. With how much He knows about and loves me, I am very sure that my room (or mansion, or whatever kind of dwelling it will be!) is being prepared in just the perfect way to make me feel at home. (John 14:2) With the doleful feeling of knowing that my own little home on Laurel Street will be reduced to boxes and many things dispersed to family or friends, my thoughts are daily entangled in the fact that maybe why I don’t feel home here is because I’m actually not home yet!

When my brother arrived back from Africa, everyone in the family got together to welcome him back. Talk about the joy of homecoming! My heart certainly throbbed with the joy of it amidst the laughter, sibling-banter, and chatter.  Yet amidst the happiness was an inescapable ache, as I felt deeply that someone special was missing. My sister beside me gave a knowing look and whispered, “Everyone’s here except Seth.”

Grief told me that fact is purely sad. A little boy who would’ve loved the joy of that night wasn’t with us. Hope quietly waited her turn to whisper that the truth is, Seth is the only one of us who has been welcomed home for real.

I wonder what Seth is doing today, alive and well in the place my faith declares is my Home but where I’ve never been. I’m so excited about going Home! I don’t even need to pack my bags; I’m already sending provisions and treasures for my life there on ahead and I will feel so lightweight and free to fly when the time comes! I wonder what it will feel like to wrap my son in my arms at some point after I arrive and to actually see him again…

Oh, how my heart longs for home. Home. I long to be in the Place where all of us, every one of us with our individual histories and stories, will be 100% free to thrive. A place where there is no more curse, a place where there is no more death, where there is absolutely nothing to make anyone afraid. A place where we always, every moment, can see our Heavenly Papa’s smile of delight in and over us. Where our older Brother Jesus is the Light. Really. He is such a Light that we won't even need sunshine! That sounds so spectacular to me!

I long for Home. The place where we can hear, with our own ears (our resurrected ears which will be capable of capturing all the awesome nuances of the music) our Daddy-God singing over us! The place where we can remember together the beautiful stories of God involved in our lives on earth. The place where we will be safe. Nothing and no one to terrorize us. We will feel safe, in part because we will see God like He really is. We will feel safe too, because just imagine. What would life without the curse be like? Mankind has not known that freedom for thousands of years! I want to go home, where there will be perfect humility, everywhere. I can hardly wait to experience relationships free from the gooey, stinky tentacles of pride. And we will be so changed because we will actually see Him like He is! I can hardly wait to be in the great celebration as all of us who have been living by faith in the shadows here finally arrive Home.

If you don’t feel at home here, maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Our unfulfilled longings for a perfect home are likely something our Heavenly Daddy wants to use to draw us towards Heaven and towards Him!

I’m on my way Home, just a wondering wanderer here. There are a lot of things in life right now that are keeping me in touch with where home isn’t, and where it is.  

And that’s a good thing. I have a flawless home being prepared for me, which unlike the difficulties in this life will last forever.