The Indwelling

The consultation room was adjoining the tiny waiting room, a sliding glass door between the two several feet ajar. Forgetting the lack of privacy, I lay on the bed, my eyes glued to the screen which showed what’s going on inside of me. Soon I would have my ridiculous feelings put to rest that I was simply just getting fat and sick. Four positive tests still hadn’t completely convinced me of the truth, apparently. 

First the doctor checked out my kidneys, then my gall bladder, and I started to wonder what all else he was going to decide to look at by the time he finally proceeded down to my womb. I looked away in momentary fear, until I heard him say, “and there is the baby, and there is the heart beating”, and I looked again with utter awe. To my amazement, the little one was immediately obvious to my untrained eye. The child raised its hand, and I could even see the distinct outline of tiny fingers! “The baby is giving thumbs up, he is saying ‘see everything’s OK in here!’” The doctor commented in a tone that bore a note of jubilance.

As we continued to watch, our little newest member of the family decided to do some daily calisthenics. First it stretched completely out, feet touching one end of its little home, head against the other. Next, it started waving its hands and wiggling its feet at the same time. Then after a little break came the sit-ups, and the darling little belly touched the top of my womb. I could’ve watched for hours. I pondered silently, “All this happening inside of me, while I can’t see or feel a thing!! What a strange thought. This has been going on every day, and I didn’t even know it!”

What a miracle. Everything else faded away as I lay in quiet satisfaction, filled with the awe of the child within me who already at almost 12 weeks looked so cute and human. 

Now it’s another day. I’m laying in bed, sick with a cold. My belly is still a fat flab - or a baby bump, as my sister calls it. I can’t see a baby, I can’t feel a baby. (Just for fun, try saying “fat flab” ten times and see if all the letters are still in the original order at the end!)

If I were prone to enjoying silliness, I would doubt if there was still a baby in there. I would convince myself it was all just a happy dream that a little human is swimming and living inside of me. If I were wanting to believe the feelings of the moment over what I know to be true, I would think that I am only sick with a cold and there is no charm and promise of future enlargement to our family.

But I choose the delight of faith, allowing the consciousness of the little one within to bring me awesome delight and joy. There is someone loving its little life inside the coziness of my womb, today!

As I enjoy the feeling of having another human living its little life within me, I can’t help but transition into thinking of the way that the Holy Spirit also lives within me. Sometimes there are days where we get glimpses and evidences of His presence that are super clear. We are convinced we aren’t alone in these bodies, that Someone else is living here with us. He’s experiencing what we experience, feeling with us, helping and comforting us.

Other days, we feel so empty and alone and wonder where He is. Does that mean He isn’t there? Does the fact that we can’t see Him mean He left? Do we keep enjoying His presence in faith, living as though He’s still in there?

You tell me.